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I’m often awake nights at the moment and the question is usually what to do with my time. Am I tired? Yes. Can I sleep? No. I don’t wake up, I simply never fall asleep. For various reasons which I won’t bore you with, but out of my control, and it’s not just the full moon blaring invisibly behind the dark curtain, sucking at my brains. Do I get up or just twirl in endless frustration, hating my bed in the end?

I go through various states from “OMG I’m so knackered I can’t do anything useful I’ll be staring at the bloody wall for hours” to pondering how fortunate I am to have this quiet time downstairs to begin a handwritten book with fanciful doodles and lovely pens. Usually I end up on the interwebs with at least one delighted cat napping in my lap and certainly preventing any kind of creative writing. Lucky me, I don’t have to stare down the first blank page of that lovely notebook….

night

So what does one do. Drink coffee and eat snacks to perk up properly but ruin your biorhythm even more, or meditate by candle light until you’re so exhausted relaxed that you can sleep through any storm, snoring, or restless neck syndrome? (not working, tested, in bed and out of)

Tonight I’m trying out a middle way, candles, tea and writing you this silly little letter while also clearing my desk. It tends to need that a lot, but it’s not too bad today. I’m going to need a backdrop from the kitchen light behind me to help, but it’s better than full electric. 01:34 as we speak…

02:15 The container I got at IKEA is definitely too tall for pens. Didn’t get it for pens anyway, but I need something for pens! I find myself feeling guilty for rattling too much, so I guess writing would be the smarter option. Do you find yourself getting hungry in the night? I’m thinking the body really isn’t supposed to be, it must be trickery and not an actual need for calories. But then of course it also ought to be shut down for sleep. The front of my brain certainly seems to be going, but I don’t think it’ll sleep through the various disturbances yet.

Has this been a useful exercise? I probably won’t know until daytime, possibly not until I repeat. But not really. An empty desk and a long ramble in exchange for rest doesn’t seem like a real scoop! Otoh perhaps it’s a learning process, to make something useful out of it eventually, a habit. Obviously I can’t begin to bang away at 3″ nails which is my next daytime project (177 of them to be exact).

leonight

Midvinternattens köld är hård,
stjärnorna gnistra och glimma.
Alla sova i enslig gård
djupt under midnattstimma.
Månen vandrar sin tysta ban,
snön lyser vit på fur och gran,
snön lyser vit på taken.
Endast tomten är vaken.

Victor Rydberg, 1881

(Google translate, sorry)
Midwinter cold is intense,
the stars sparkle and gleam.
All sleep in the lonely farm
deep beneath the midnight hour.
The moon wanders its silent track,
snow shines white on pine and spruce,
snow shines white on roof.
Only the brownie is awake.

 

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